My thoughts for today

I have had a lot of thoughts going through my head today and before I can go to bed, which I NEED to do soon because it is 11:30 already, I need to jot some of them down.
I was able to take a walk down memory lane today. A lane that is filled with both joy and extreme happiness and yet at the same time filled with worry, heartache and concern. I think every mother had a road like this. It is the road of Gerrit's life. Much of his early years I have filed away voluntarily in my memory under the category of Surviving (both he and myself). The first year especially.

You often wonder why things happen to those you love. Why did HE have to have a stroke and why did it have to be something that he would have to deal with his whole life.

I forgot a lot about the first year. The signs that we missed in what could have been an earlier diagnosis. Thinks like when he was first born he didn't open his eyes for almost five days, he never had a strong sucking reflex (nor the desire to breast feed), he always had a blank stare and of course the lack of use of his right side.

When you are a first time Mom you want everything to be perfect. You have this miracle from Heaven and you think nothing could go wrong. Even when you start to notice little odd things you try to dismiss it and say there can't be anything wrong with my sweet perfect miracle.

If I could give just a little advice to you it would be to forget yourself and your ideals for a perfect family!!! Think of that little miracle and do whatever it takes to give them the best start in life. Be overly cautious, you are the parent, you have been blessed to protect and watch over them. You have motherly instincts that you need to be in tune with.

I fast forward to Gerrit now at almost 7 years old and I see such a special boy blossoming and I can't help but be forever grateful for the people in my life who were there for me. The ones with initial concern, who guided me to seek medical counsel and then when I was dismissed as being a paranoid first time Mom, told me to get a second opinion. For the many Therapists, Teachers, Doctors and Friends who were always beside me to help and give counsel, and often times a shoulder to cry on.

I believe Heavenly Father puts people in your lives who have experienced things that you will go through to be of support for you. Then he puts YOU in that same place to helping others with the challenges and struggles that you have experienced so you can pay it forward.

To those who have been there and helped me
Thank you!